What about this!?

I went to the west side today (where the city part is) to see what was going on.
I found a physical version of my favorite art supply website, who knew.
Jen and I wandered around while I exclaimed about everything.
Also yelling as we walked by every building "Jen! Maybe we should get a place THERE".
Then I tried to convince Jen to sneak into the opera until we got kicked out like riff raff.
There was no opera happening tonight though, so I ended up going to Safeway and carrying a giant frozen pizza and my new roll of artist paper home on the bus.
The pizza box I was hugging kept getting crumpled and trying to open on the bus.
I also listened to some people commiserate about social services and single parenting.
Maybe THIS is what being in a city is like.

                           (The pizza is cut in half because it wouldn't fit in our tiny oven.)



-Murder

Sorry Portland

I hate biking here.
I will have none of it.

Maybe this?

Where's the nearest electronics store?
12 minutes north? Cool.
I guess I'll dress up, drive Jen's sporty car, and listen to Lady Gaga, you know, like a city person?
Looks like I'm here.
Woah, there's the Ikea.
AND an international airport.
AND the biggest fucking Best Buy I've ever seen.
WTF.
OK international airport Ikea Best buy super mall, I'll just act normal.
Wandering around, this sure is a giant Best Buy.
Good thing there's this endless stream of knowledgeable hot guys here to help.
Cool, got what I needed without having to mail order.
Guess I'll drive home.
Maybe this is what city people do??

What do people do in cities?

I don't know!
Could be anything!
Maybe they live crazy city lives that don't exist anywhere else!
I gotta go find out.

Because I need to

I will find all the people in this city, and I will steal their secrets.

I never would have guessed

So, I woke up this morning with my laptop still on me from writing cover letters the night before.
I Immediately resumed being a way too intense job getting person.
At some point I looked up long enough to remember food and showering exist. I proceeded to loudly knock over things in the kitchen, thinking nothing of it until Jen sleepily yells "what- what is going on over there?".

Um, nothin'?

I thought about it for a second and responded - "Actually I guess I'm really dizzy."
That's weird. Am I still that jet lagged? Am I too disoriented from all the things? Have I been too intensely job hunting and staring at computers to remember how to eat without knocking shit over?
While lost in thought Jen interjects "Oh. Are you sure you're not hung over?"
Oh. Right. Maybe that too.
THE END

Why is this still in my brain

Honey badger don't give a shiit.