Good luck me, and everybody else.

I like my job but I dislike having to keep my brain in a space where I can be social five days a week. My train of thought goes something like this: "Oh man! Work? Again? Five days a week? Who does that? Talking to people? Yeah I mean that sounds fun but, I was really just going to think about rocks and draw pictures and compulsively run up hills until I can't speak or do anything but look at you like a total crazy person but...um you know....I guess I'll hold off. Ahem."

. . .

Trees

So I need more trees in my life. BUT I live in the suburbs so instead I'm woken up by someone chainsawing down some more trees outside my window at nine in the god damn morning.
The last time I had this problem I was staying in the girls dormitory at the state fair in SYRACUSE. A place where one would fully expect fucked shit to be going on at all times.
Anyway I'm listening to these uptight motherfuckers chainsawing down the last attempt at privacy between our two houses. Chainsawing some unassuming tree/bush that must have mortally offended them in some way. -AHHH there's nature in my lawn! WTF how did that get there!? Didn't we already pay day laborers to make sure this didn't happen! AHH!! Let's get out the chainsaw!! IMMEDIATELY.-
Suddenly I realize oh my gosh, I actually live here. This is my life, this is actually happening. This isn't just some pretend life, or some kind of test run where next time I WON'T have someone chainsawing outside my window.  This, this is actually where I live. FUUU

Current population density = facepalm


I'm going to find where I can look out and see mostly trees and I will go to there. It better be less than an hour away. Sheesh.

Why?

I almost fell out of my chair. Just now.
I'm just sitting here, in a room, by myself...completely still... falling over.
What is wrong with my brain!?




Where'd you get those bruises? 
Oh you know, sitting.
....What?
Yeah, it went horribly wrong and I ended up getting hit by my chair. Don't worry about it.

Calm

It was spring time today. Like the first warm bright ridiculous day of the year. Woah.
I don't understand why people buy the things in Ikea when they already have it set up in the store, for free. It's much cheaper to just go hang out in there. Also unlike home they ALWAYS have fro-yo. And it is delicious. Creepy (greater than or equal to) delicious.
I'm doing an air humping dance right now.
I went to work pretty late in the day so I had way too much time to get riled up beforehand.
I am not wearing pants.
I should go to work...
I should run ten blocks and get Mexican food!
I feel great!
I don't think this outfit meets work dress code.
I'm at work!
I cleaned everything!
I made a really good post work cappuccino!
I told everyone about it!
I told everyone about it even though no one cares!
Running is faster than walking and therefore superior!
I'm going to the goth club!
I'm staring at everyone! MERCILLESLY.
I'm distracted now and just staring at scaffolding and bridges.
I want to shave off everyones mustache!
I'm texting people on the east coast to try and get them on board with this spring time action, even though it's actully snowing there...and four in the morning! Fail!
I'm going to hump the air some more!

Brain Candy

Maybe I can switch modes now? I am a robot designed for survival!
I have a job, and a house.
We finished moving.
We have toothpaste and real utensils not made of compostable plastic. Maybe now I can live my life.
I'll like, do stuff. Sometimes I work. Some days it's dark. I work alon- ahem. . .
I'll do things, and sometimes go to work, and then immediately get back to doing things instead of making sure I know where to buy stamps. This could be exciting.

I just want to be comfortable all the time

I was thinking that the obvious solution to I-town weather is to constantly carry around a lightweight backpack full of every different kind of weather gear.
This idea accidentally solidified into a plan in my head until I realized how immediately awkward it would be to change your clothes in the street every half hour.
Huh! It's raining! Hang on! ZIPPPP SHWOOP ZIIP ZURRP ZIPP
There we go!
Uh oh...Looks like a snow thunderstorm is brewing, here we go again!
. . . .

We finished moving last night

Me: Really? Everything? We've finally moved everything?

Jen: Yeah! Really! Well...Except for the dead cactus.

Me: Oh. Right.

Jen & Me: How are we going to move that without it indiscriminately dropping it's invisible surprisingly painful quills all over everything?

Me: Maybe we should sneak up on it with a box. It'll never see it coming.

Jen: No. I'm prepared to move it with just newspaper.

Me: Woah. 

Jen: I'll cover the car in newspaper, and you can drive it home. Carefully.

Me: Ok, but I'm going to voo doo for some doughnuts first.

Jen: Good. Bring me some.

Ok, Me in the car. Me and cactus... Me and cactus going to get some doughnuts.

Cruising, eating donuts with cactus on a Tuesday night.

Feeling strangely awkward with a cactus in my passenger seat.

*Driving in silence, eating a doughnut*
*Driving in silence, eating a doughnut, nervously staring at the cactus*

...Um...Want some doughnut, cactus?
Yeah, I guess that 's not your thing. I'll just keep driving then.

Oh hey! There's that new restaurant I've been wanting to try! Want to stop and check it out cactus!?

Oh...You're right cactus. We should just go home.

...Sure you don't want some doughnuts?

Get home, hand the cactus back over to Jen. Awkward car time with cactus is now over.

TERRIBLE PICTURE INCOMING:

(I miss you cactus)

List

THINGS NEEDED IMMEDIATELY:
UV Cake
Hair gel
Cinnamon gum
More pirate clothes

SUCCESS

txt msg

I'm currently ritualistically transcribing my old saved text messages because phone storage capacity is stuck in the 1950's. However I've only gotten halfway through and had to take a break to say YOU ARE ALL SO AWESOME I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU EVEN HANDLE YOURSELVES.

So this happened

I WAITED ON 70+ PEOPLE TODAY AND NONE OF THEM WERE MEAN TO ME!!!
Does this mean that in order for the universe to balance out a table will actually try to stab me tomorrow?

MOVING SUCCESS!

Update

So being a job haver is still pretty great. Now I'm focusing on being a real human/ making sure my life functions like awesome. Good luck, me!
(I can speak English however I want.)

Sick

Well sickness, at long last we meet again.
Guess I'll just have to lay on my couch/bed/apartment and watch the entire live action Tick series again.
Bummer?

Snow

It "snowed" yesterday. Lame.
So in acceptance of my fate I woke up this grey morning and bundled up.
After gathering up my courage I stepped outside with a familiar sense of dread.
Immediately a stiff breeze hits my face.
I brace for the face ripping impact... . . . .
ooor a warm breeze caressing my face.

Proceed to stripping in the middle of the street. YES.
(It's the only appropriate reaction.)

And...yep still

Yeah, still too excited. I'M EATING MY SALAD WITH A KNIFE.
Not only is this going to be awesome, and totally something I feel like doing I'm going to get PAID.
I'M GOING TO CASH MY FIRST PAYCHECK IN QUARTERS & $1's AND ROLL AROUND IN IT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKIN' JAY-Z VIDEO.
And then- eventually- I'll have an actual day off. Like a really for real one. Not a guilt ridden checking craigslist every five minutes stalking places all the time anyway day off.
An actual ENTIRE day off.
I could take a day trip to LA!
I could cruise around with some bitches!
I could do whatever I want!
I mean...buy groceries.....except THAT'S WHAT IN FLIGHT MEALS ARE FOR MOTHERFUCKER!
Yes.
This is definitely what life is like.

WINNNNNERRR!!!!!

Still.

WINNER!

I have a job! I get to be a person again!
I get to wield my crazy at the general populous again-- for money!
Also note to self: don't look for a job during the holidays ever again.






(Now all I need is a Lincoln and some bitches!)

Soshite

Hanging out with Jen all the time is still awesome.
e.g. Spontaneous take over of club Fez including ignoring everyone and dancing until to the point of almost injuring each other. Next time we won't stop there.